096: The Plague of the Mommy Wars with Rebekah Hargraves (Solo Episode 3)

Rebekah Hargraves is the host of the Home and Hearth Podcast, which, up until recently, has always been mostly an interview-style podcast. Now, however, she is branching out into recording the third of her solo podcasts to talk today on the topic of the mommy wars. This is a topic Rebekah has written about extensively and shared about on other podcasts, as well, so she’s excited to now be branching out into discussing it on her own podcast!

What She Chats about in Today’s Episode:

~Defining the term “mommy wars” and covering a bit of its history

~How the mommy wars show up in our current culture

~8 problems with the mommy wars – 8 main ways in which they are doing damage in the church:

*They are causing us to major on the minors, only to forget what is really important.

*They are causing us to forget what the Word of God actually has to say on the topic of mothering (see Proverbs 22:6, Ephesians 6:4, Titus 2:4-5, Deuteronomy 6:6-7) as we’re so focused on things of lesser importance.

*They are destroying the Titus 2 model and its outreach (see Titus 2:3-5).

*They are causing us to ignore (and even blaspheme!) the gospel.

*They are hindering us from being able to walk by the Spirit and to walk by faith (see James 1:5, Isaiah 30:21, Psalm 139, and Galatians 5:16-18,22-23).

*They are causing division and leading to our losing out on encouraging friendship and valuable fellowship (see Genesis 2:18, Ecclesiastes 4:9-12, Romans 14).

*They are leading to our losing our salt and light and to our becoming poor examples of Christ (Matthew 5:13-16, John 13:34-35, 1 Corinthians 5:20, Colossians 3:12, 4:6, Ephesians 4:29, Romans 12:18).

*They are burdening us with unnecessary and unbiblical expectations.

~How the enemy is using the mommy wars to keep our noses on the internet and social media rather than in Scripture

~1 Timothy 4:8’s response to the mommy wars

~How the mommy wars have led to a subconscious misunderstanding of the gospel as we look to our mothering choices to provide us with our righteousness, perfection, and good standing before God

~The issues of the mommy wars as being issues of secondary importance and why we have no right to judge other mamas in these areas

~Viewing mommy wars topics in light of Romans 14

~Romans 14 and why I do not publicly share our family’s choices regarding things like vaccination

~Assuming the best of other mamas, realizing that every mama comes to the decision they make with a desire for what is best for their children

~The wisdom of the world vs. the wisdom of God

~The long list of expectations we as moms have on our shoulders as to what “good moms” do vs. the very short list God has for us

~And more!

Resources Mentioned

Offer for a free audiobook and 30 day trial membership from Audible: www.audibletrial.com/HomeandHearth

Rebekah’s episode on the Theology Gals podcast discussing Lies Moms Believe, relationships in the church, and the mommy wars

Rebekah’s articles on the topic of the mommy wars

The book Rebekah co-authored on Walking by the Spirit

Quotes to Remember:

“What mommy warriors do not understand is that many of the decisions we make in motherhood are not one way or the highway – there are pros and cons to both sides.”

“The mommy wars are causing us to major on the minors, only to forget what is really important. Instead of looking to God’s Word for our direction as to how we ought to mother, we are spending too much time turning to Google.”

“The mommy wars are causing us to raise secondary issues up to the level of Scripture, as we are, all the while, ignoring Scripture itself.”

“We live in a research culture. Because of google, everyone can instantly become their own expert. This in-fighting that then comes from thinking you are an expert leads you to be unwilling to adhere to a Titus 2 model. After all, older women did things differently in many of the areas mommy warriors are concerned about today, so now we’re no longer willing to listen to them on any topics pertaining to motherhood. The Titus 2 model is yet another casualty of the mommy wars.”

“Our righteousness does not come from what we do, but Whose we are.”

“Whether or not you breastfeed, homeschool, or co-sleep does not determine your acceptance in God’s sight.”

“When we think there is only one right way to mother, when we think that all the wisdom, direction, and insight that we need can be found on Google, we are shooting ourselves in the proverbial foot, because we are hindering ourselves from being able to tap into that wisdom we need in order to mother well – wisdom that can only come from God.”

“God formed and fashioned each child so uniquely. He, therefore, is THE expert of your children – not some author or researcher you can find online. If you are constantly turning then to a parenting book or study, but are not walking by the Spirit or asking God for wisdom, you are shortchanging yourself in a serious way.”

“Stop wasting time only researching, and get on your knees before God.”

“The enemy is weaseling his way into the body of Christ and leading us to set up different camps and tribes based on our parenting decisions. This is not the way of Christ.”

“Social media is not the leading cause of the mommy wars. It is merely revealing what was already in our sinful hearts. Social media is providing the platform and loudspeaker to exaggerate the issue, but it is not the cause – our sin natures are.”

“We cannot hope to have the kind of unity, familial bond, and love Christ died for us to have as His body, if we are so caught up on these mommy wars issues of secondary importance. It is ridiculous for us as the body of Christ to be dividing ourselves out into camps based on who home educates and who doesn’t when we are all worshiping the same God!”

“We need to stop thinking that the mamas who do things differently than we do don’t love their children or want what is best for them. Assume the best of your fellow mama.”

“If Paul can say that we cannot judge one another even on whether or not we keep the Sabbath, then we sure as heck cannot judge fellow mamas on whether or not they vaccinate or homeschool or breastfeed or co-sleep. Period. End of story.”

“Whether the issue at hand is a seriously secondary issue or one that you feel is much more important, we are still called to show the same love, grace, and compassion to others that Jesus did.”

“If we are not treating our fellow mamas from a place of love, grace, and peace, then we are not operating out of a place of wisdom, no matter what we think about our parenting choices. The wisdom that is from God is peaceable.”

“If we want to show the watching world the good news of the gospel, if we want to draw them to the love of Christ by the way we love, if we want to truly be a picture of Christ to the watching world, we are going to have to lay down our weapons in this mommy war and we are going to have to be at peace with our fellow mamas, whether they homeschool, public school, private school, or something else entirely. We are going to have to live at peace with them if we ever hope to accomplish this Great Commission we have been tasked with.”

“You have in your mind a long laundry list of expectations for what a ‘good mom’ is – a long, burdensome list that God never put on your shoulders.”

“The list of God’s expectations for us as moms is actually very vague – we are told to raise our children up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord, but we are not told we have to catechize our children for 3 hours a day. We are told to train our children up in the way that they should go, but we’re not given a specific picture for how that ‘should’ look. These principles are vastly important, but how they are lived out will look different for each of us. And that is a beautiful thing. That is a beautiful picture of how God made each one of us to be unique.”

Where You Can Find Rebekah Online:

Websites – Hargraves Home and Hearth, Spirit-Filled Woman Magazine

Instagram –@rebekahhargraves

Facebook – Hargraves Home and Hearth Twitter – @hhomeandhearth Podcast – Home and Hearth Podcast

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