149: Walking by the Spirit through Family Estrangement with Julie Plagens

Julie Plagens is a wife, mom of adult children, and author who has experienced the pain of family estrangement. That is what we will be talking about today, with our prayer being that you would walk away from this conversation encouraged to know that you are not alone and that God is not yet done with your story, as well as equipped to truly walk by the Spirit in the midst of this hard season.

What we Chat about in This Episode

~Julie’s book, Estranged: Finding Hope When Your Family Falls Apart, what led her to write it, and what readers can expect

~Julie’s own experience of a family estrangement with her parents

~How a lack of forgiveness leads to family estrangements

~The reality that being a Christian does not automatically make you emotionally healthy

~The most common issues in our day that are leading to family estrangements

~The importance of counseling

~Addressing with truth the lies we are believing in order to re-program our minds and ways of thinking

~How Julie knew that pursuing a family estrangement was the right next step and it was time for that; advice Julie would share with anyone contemplating the same thing

~How difficult relationships and truly toxic relationships are two different things

~The importance of boundaries

~How prayer and fasting led to reconciliation in Julie’s family

~The folly of thinking you can control or change your family members

~Exercising boundaries even during a reconciliation

~The difference between boundaries and revenge

~What to do and what not to do during a season of family estrangement

~And more!

Resources Mentioned

Offer for a free audiobook and 30 day trial membership from Audible: www.audibletrial.com/HomeandHearth

When to Walk Away by Gary Thomas

Uninvited by Lysa Terkeurst

Forgiving What You Can’t Forget by Lysa Terkeurst

Julie’s book, Estranged: Finding Hope When Your Family Falls Apart

The Mitford Series by Jan Karon

Inspiring Quotes from Julie:

“The root of any family estrangement is unforgiveness.”

“A family estrangement is not the first step to take. You only take that step when prompted by the Holy Spirit after you have exhausted the other options of prayer, fasting, counseling, and erecting boundaries.”

“If you want to know how to move forward, pray and fast.”

“It hasn’t been easy, but it has been miraculous!”

“Forgiveness is about the offense, whereas reconciliation is about the relationship. Forgiveness is always something we are called to, but reconciliation is not always.”

“People throughout the Bible had messy family relationships. You are not alone.”

“You cannot control or change your family members yourself. But you can focus on yourself and you can set boundaries, and that will have an impact.”

“If you are entering into a reconciliation process, start small and take baby steps. Still keep certain helpful boundaries in place until you know if you can trust your family member again. If they prove to still be untrustworthy, it is possible to love them from afar.”

“Don’t let your boundaries turn into revenge. The counterfeit of boundaries is revenge. Revenge is about what they have done, boundaries are about what I am going to do.”

“If you cannot around someone and in relationship with them without sinning, then you know you need to step away from that person.”

“You have to forgive before you potentially go back. Otherwise, the vicious process will start again.”

Where You Can Find Julie Online

Website – Mom Remade

Facebook – Mom Remade

Facebook Group – Christian Family Living

Instagram – @julieaplagens

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