Handling Disagreements Like a Christian

I am ashamed of how professing Christians are conducting themselves these days when it comes to disagreements they have with others (especially online, but sometimes even in person!). I am likewise ashamed for how long I went on just like those professing Christ-followers, judging, railing against, and tearing down those who didn’t think or believe as I did. To be honest, it’s shameful. It’s embarrassing. And it’s anything but Christ-like.

Whether it’s a political disagreement over how you view Donald Trump, a difference of opinion over the abortion law recently passed in New York, or something else entirely, it seems that we Americans (and, sadly, even we Christians) have lost the art of civility. We have completely forgotten what it looks like to treat others with honor and respect simply because they are fellow image bearers of God, whether or not they ever see eye-to-eye with us. We have forgotten how to listen. And we have certainly forgotten how to actually be Christ’s ambassadors by living as He did.

How are we to act then, when faced with someone who strongly disagrees with one stance or another of our own? How do we handle disagreements like a Christian? Well, there are 4 key principles to keep in mind.

Remember that the one you are disagreeing with is an image bearer of God.

I have shared this many times since because it stuck with me so strongly, but I think it bears repeating again! When Dr. Rosaria Butterfield came on the podcast last year, she made a statement that I will never forget. She said, “Everyone you meet is an image bearer of God. And that deserves a little respect.” How true that is and yet how often overlooked in our daily interactions! When talking with someone who views things differently than you do, you are still called to show them respect and honor simply by nature of the fact of who they are – an image bearer of God Himself.

Remember where they are.

If you are disagreeing with an unbeliever over a Christian stance you have on some topic, you need to remember that, as an unbeliever, they simply do not have the same worldview as you and will not for as long as they go on not believing in Christ’s way of things. Furthermore, they don’t have the Holy Spirit of God within them, so expecting them to see things as you do in your Christian worldview is unfair.

If you are disagreeing with someone who is a fellow believer in Christ, you still need to remember where the person is with whom you are having a disagreement. Maybe they are at a different place in the sanctification process. Maybe they have a different life story than you do which makes it hard for them to see things from the same angle as you. Maybe it will turn out that you are at a different stage in your sanctification process and you are the one who is wrong. Anytime you are in the midst of a disagreement with someone, it pays to speak from a place of humility, understanding that you don’t know everything, and you are a work in progress who does and will change your mind on things.

Remember the importance placed on listening.

If you have ever been witness to one of the many political debates which often rage on Facebook, then you have likely seen how speaking over each other, ignoring the other person’s statements in favor of making more of your own, and making things personal by calling each other names is incredibly common, but gets people nowhere. No one’s mind is changed, while everyone’s feelings are hurt and their blood pressure is high.

Christ emulated a far better way. A way described and outlined for us by James when he wrote in James 1:19-20, “So then, my beloved brethren, let every man be swift to hear, slow to speak, slow to wrath;  for the wrath of man does not produce the righteousness of God.”

We are to be swift to hear – willing to hear what the other person has to say, willing to consider their point of view, listen to their story, and to hear their heart and reasoning on the matter.

We are to be slow to speak – willing to listen far more than we speak, willing to lay down our pride and not always have to have the last word in an argument, willing to admit we could be wrong.

We are to be slow to wrath – willing to not make arguments personal, willing to not become angry at someone just because they see things differently than we do, willing to not call someone names because we disagree with them.

Why? Because “the wrath of man does not produce the righteousness of God.” If you are truly correct in a stance you have (let’s say, for example, you are in a conversation with someone over whether or not Jesus is God and you believe He is) and you want the other person to see the validity of what you are saying and believing, the worst thing you could possibly do is become unhinged, make the disagreement personal, and become angry and judgmental of the other person. The other person will instantly put up their defenses, shut down to your side of the argument, and fight against anything you have to say. If, however, you handle a disagreement as Christ would and you extend a caring heart and a listening ear, the other person still may not come to see things as you do, but the possibility is there because the lines of communication will remain open. And, I might add, your witness for Christ will remain intact, as well.

Remember how a Christian is called to behave.

If we ever have any doubt as to how we as Christ-followers ought to act and what we should be known for, Paul has us covered in Colossians 3:8-14:

But now you yourselves are to put off all these: anger, wrath, malice, blasphemy, filthy language out of your mouth. Do not lie to one another, since you have put off the old man with his deeds, and have put on the new man who is renewed in knowledge according to the image of Him who created him, where there is neither Greek nor Jew, circumcised nor uncircumcised, barbarian, Scythian, slave nor free, but Christ is all and in all. Therefore, as the elect of God, holy and beloved, put on tender mercies, kindness, humility, meekness, longsuffering; bearing with one another, and forgiving one another, if anyone has a complaint against another; even as Christ forgave you, so you also must do.  But above all these things put on love, which is the bond of perfection.

The kind of behavior too many of us Christians are known for is a serious problem specifically because it tarnishes our witness as Christ-followers. It goes against the work God has done in our hearts and lives and is not compatible with the change He has performed as a result of saving and redeeming us. This is why how we conduct ourselves even on Facebook is actually far more important than we might think.

The sobering reality of all this is that the way in which we treat others along the journey of life is the way in which we are treating Christ. In Matthew 25:40 Jesus says,

And the King will answer and say to them, ‘Assuredly, I say to you, inasmuch as you did it to one of the least of these My brethren, you did it to Me.’

Are you lambasting others? You’re lambasting Christ. Are you disrespecting God’s image bearers? You’re disrespecting Christ. Are you being hateful towards your fellow human beings? You’re being hateful towards Christ.

The truth is that the world is watching, friends. Christ said they would know we are His by our love for one another. Is that what they are seeing in your life? Or is the way you handle disagreements sending them a far different message?