The Mommy Wars and the Forgotten Gospel

Some may wonder why I regularly write at such length about the problem of the mommy wars in the church. The reason is because I can’t not write about it – I’ve been that mommy warrior myself and personally reaped the consequences.

I’m sad to admit that since my earliest memory, I have always been a bit of a know-it-all struggling with the sin issue of pride. I would regularly interject my little 5 year old self into the adult conversations going on around me with exclamations of, “Yes, that’s right!” or “That’s true!”, as if I knew and understood the topics being discussed. You can only imagine how this practice transferred rather miserably into the realm of motherhood!

Because we live in an age of self-made experts and unlimited research daily right at our fingertips, my know-it-all self immediately took to the computer when I became pregnant with my first child, in an effort to read up on all things pregnancy and baby care. The result was a new mama who thought her way was the best way and who struggled with looking down her nose at mamas who believed differently.

What I didn’t understand then, but (by God’s glorious grace!) do understand now is this: the “wisdom” of man doesn’t hold a candle to the wisdom of God! The “good news” of the latest study on baby sleep habits or the best way to introduce your infant to solids can’t even compare to the good news of the gospel. But in my quest to be the biggest “mommy expert” out there, I had forgotten the very gospel itself.

The Mommy Wars and the Forgotten Gospel

The mommy wars are wreaking havoc on our understanding of the truths of the gospel. This was particularly true for me in the following areas:

I had forgotten the Word in my quest for the wisdom of man.

I would have told you that I was “too busy” for in-depth study of God’s Word when, in reality, I was simply allowing research on topics pertaining to pregnancy, birth, and mothering little ones to steal all my free time. I joined FB groups, scoured over countless articles and studies, and read birthing books. What I was actually doing was making the mistake of clamoring after the wisdom of man to the exclusion of God’s Word – the only thing that can ever fully equip me for the good work of mothering (2 Timothy 3:16-17). While I thought that what I had been doing was important and helpful (and maybe it was to a degree – 1 Timothy 4:8), I was ignoring what would actually have been of far more value to me as a mom – becoming a student of the Word and seeking God’s wisdom for my life (James 1:5).

I had forgotten that a fellow mama is just as much of an image bearer of God as I am – regardless of whether or not her parenting choices match mine.

When Dr. Rosaria Butterfield was a guest on my podcast several months ago, she said something that has remained with me ever since – “Every person you meet is an image bearer of God, and that deserves a little honor and respect.” While in the midst of my journey as a mommy warrior, I forgot that truth. I saw other moms as less-than if they didn’t breastfeed or consider home birth. What I failed to remember is that no mama’s identity is found in the parenting choices she makes, but rather in who she is as an image bearer of Almighty God Himself. To disrespect one of God’s image bearers is to disrespect Him and His work of creation. And remembering and living out that truth was of far more importance than whether or not the other mama agreed with my stance on birthing options.

I had forgotten that my standing before God and His approval of me were not based on what I do, but on what He did.

This was another area in which I was operating from a place of mistaken identity. Not only had I failed to remember that my mothering choices were in no way able to tarnish my identity as an image bearer of God; I likewise failed to remember that the Lord’s approval of me and my very standing before Him were in no wise based on what I do, but instead, were entirely based on what He did on my behalf.

That, my friends, is the beauty of the gospel. I am found to be acceptable, holy, righteous, and perfect in the eyes of God not because I dot all my i’s and cross all my t’s along the journey of mothering, but because I have trusted in Christ for salvation. Salvation is not a result of trusting in Christ AND also making sure you breastfeed, co-sleep, vaccinate, and homeschool. Rather, salvation is by faith alone. Acceptance is by faith alone. Approval is by faith alone. When God the Father sees me, He sees the imputed righteousness of Christ the Son, regardless of whether my baby was born at home or in the hospital, vaginally or via cesarean, without pain meds or with an epidural. None of those things matter when it comes to me and my relationship with the Lord. Praise the Lord for the beauty of the glorious truths and implications of the gospel on our daily lives as moms!

I had forgotten that God’s work in our lives is a process, and He is far more concerned with our spiritual lives than He is whether or not my children are vaccinated or eating an all-organic diet.

During my quest to follow the “best” mothering trends and implement the results of all the various parenting studies out there, I forgot that the choices I make in regards to baby and child care did not result in my being a better person, a better mom, or a better Christian. Many of these grey areas were, ultimately, amoral and up to each family’s own individual needs. What I had to come to understand was that the Lord was not ultimately concerned with whether or not my child was still rear-facing in the care at age 3, but rather with whether or not I was walking by the Spirit and reflecting the fruits of the Spirit (Galatians 5:22-23) in my interactions with other moms (which, let me tell you, is hard to do when you’re a mommy warrior!). The Christian walk is all about growth in godliness, not living up to the man-made caricature of the “perfect” mom and the temporal choices she makes.

Take Heart, Mama!

In the midst of a confusing mommy culture wherein each expert and study comes to a different conclusion than the next, look up. Fix your eyes on Christ, friend, remembering that your worth comes not in the mothering choices you make, but rather in who you are as a daughter of God. Remember that even if other mamas do not approve of the direction you are taking in your mothering, that’s ok as long as you are walking by the Spirit and following the leading of the Lord. The Lord is with you as you mother your children, and that is all that matters!